Geoload856

[Gina, asleep on the bed in a long pink nightgown, senses 'buzz' & sits up. A masked man with a sword enters the bedroom.]

Gina - Who are you!? What are you doing here?

Robert - I've come to take what's mine. <[CUT Gina stands, screams.]> Go on, scream all you want. We're all alone. Just you and I. No one's going to save you now.

Gina - [holds up her own sword] I don't need saving. One more step, and I'll have your head!

Robert - I think I'd like that. [He takes a step forward. Gina swings her blade, knocking his mask away.]

Gina - Baron de Valicourt?

Robert - It was a mistake to see my face. [They fight, through the chateau to the reception hall. Gina charges, Robert deflects her. Robert attacks; they exchange parries, circling. Robert jumps back from Gina's blade. Gina stalks forward, attacks again. They fight their way down the length of the hall.]

INTERCUT: Exterior shot of Chateau de Valicourt, night - light flashes in a window, then ^A light flashes in another window on the 2nd floor, then in a third.

Gina - You'd kill a woman?

Robert - Actually, I was thinking of a fate worse than death.

Gina - Never. Never!

Robert - Never's a very long time. [They continue fighting. Robert grabs her.]

Gina - You're good, but not that good.

Robert - Oh, no? [He spins her away from him, tearing her nightgown. They exchange a few more parries, then he disarms her.] Submit.

Gina - Never. [She pulls away from him. He stalks after her. They kiss passionately.]

[Geoges Bizet's Habanera from 'Carmen' (suite no. 2) starts playing in the background.]

Gina - You're an animal.

Robert - I'm the king of beasts.

Gina - And I'm the queen. [They sit on a (different) bed, Robert kissing her neck.] Robert... Robert...

Robert - [still kissing her] Mm-hmm?

Gina - Next time, I get to be on top.

Robert - Anything you say, my dear. [pulls sheet over their heads, chuckling]

DM - [enters to the sound of Methos vocalizing/humming in meditation] You know, you could do that up on deck. The view's better.

Methos - [stops mid-hum] Calms the spirit. You should try it sometime.

DM - What are you doing here?

Methos - [sitting in the lotus position on the desk behind the couch] The place I rent's being sold. I hate moving.

<DM - Then go move into a hotel. CUT

Methos - I wouldn't stay in any hotel that Adam Pierson could afford.

DM - Well, it's your problem if you're seen here.

Methos - [as DM opens a piece of mail] Anything interesting?>

DM - [removes letter from envelope with a flourish] I'll let you know. [looks at letter] Oh, Gina and Robert de Valicourt are getting married again.

Methos - I thought they WERE married.

DM - Well, they do it again every hundred years.

<Methos - [stretches his legs out] Ohhh. Madly in love, huh? CUT

DM - No, gluttons for punishment.>

Methos - I was married once, you know... Well, come to think of it, I was married sixty-seven... no, sixty-eight times.

DM - [incredulous] You've had sixty-eight wives?

Methos - Yeah, never one of us, though. <That'd be too much of a commitment for me to make.>CUT You'd have to love someone a helluva lot to be with them three hundred years. Tough to imagine, huh? CUT

<DM - No, it's not. Not if you knew Gina. Fitzcairn and I were both madly in love with her.>

Gina - It's nothing to get upset about, Duncan.

[Super: Outside Paris, 1696]

DM - Nothing?! How could you make a rendezvous with both of us? And on the same night?

Fitz - Especially with HIM.

Gina - When two dashing gentlemen invite me to two divine diversions? How could I refuse either of you? All I did was mix up the nights.

DM - Oh, well, he'll have to wait. [pushes himself between Fitz and Gina] I was first.

Fitz - [jogs around to Gina's other side] I'LL have to wait? I think not, sir. We have a box for the opera tonight.

DM - The opera? Ach, a bunch of overdressed donkeys braying at the top of their lungs? Ach! WE are dining at the Prussian ambassador's residence.

Fitz - [scoffs] Hours of High German passing for conversation. Sauerkraut for food... It gives me gas just thinking about it.

Gina - Shhh! We've arrived.

DM - This is the Baron de Valicourt's residence.

Gina - So they say.

<Fitz - CUT A baron who lives like a king, huh?>

Gina - De Valicourt is the most notorious thief in Europe.

DM - Aye, and good at it, by the look of things.

Fitz - Hmph. How good?

Gina - Too good. The swine embezzled twenty thousand Louis from me.

Fitz - Twenty thousand Louis? Why... that's--

DM - That's a bloody fortune.

Fitz - Aye. [bows gallantly] Fear not, my lady. I shall soon have it back. CUT

<DM - No, no, no, no. I will soon have it back. [steps in front of Fitz, bows gallantly]

Gina - WE will soon have it back.

DM - Aye. This way. This way, my lady. [leads Gina toward wall]

Fitz - MacLeod... This way is far better.

DM - No, we'll go this way. [continues leading Gina away from Fitz] This way, miss. It's much easier this way. No, I can climb up here, my lady. It's no problem. [climbs onto top of wall] Look at this. I'm already up. See? I'm already up. Almost over the wall. Ach.

Fitz - As you wish.

DM - Ach. That's much easier. [crouches down]

Fitz - [to Gina] Allow me to assist you, my lady.

Gina - Thank you.

[Fitz gives her a boost as DM pulls her up onto the wall beside him.]

DM - [tosses his tricorn hat to the ground by Fitz] Oops! Fitzcairn, can you help me?

[Fitz picks up the hat, turns back around to find Gina & DM have left him behind.]

Fitz - MacLeod!

DM - [turns back] I'LL get it back. [goes over the wall]

Fitz - [throws DM's hat down] MacLeod, you rascal!>

<DM - [leads them up a darkened staircase, carrying a torch] Quiet. [reaches a closed door] Let's try this one. ^B[tries to open door] It's locked. [starts to walk away]

Fitz - [tries door, opens it] It must have been stuck. ¹ [They enter the storeroom.]>CUT Look at all this.

Gina - That cut-throat has been robbing the colonies for the past fifty years.

DM - Then we'll just rob a little of it back, eh?

[They sense 'buzz', turn as Baron de Valicourt enters storeroom.]

Robert - Well, well, well. What have we here? Mice in the parlor. And Immortal mice, at that.

Fitz - [sotto to DM] I told you there was another way in. Didn't I tell you?

DM - Be quiet. [to Robert] I'd be careful who you call a mouse, especially if I was a rat.

Robert - CUT [Harps and windchimes play as he locks eyes with Gina.] If you're a thief, I've never seen a comelier one.

DM - [reacts to their mutual attraction] You're the thief. We're just protecting her assets.

Robert - [still focused on Gina] And they are... wonderful assets.

[Geoges Bizet's Danse Bohème from 'Carmen' starts playing in the background.]

Fitz - If you please, sir! A gentleman doe not address a lady in that manner! [pulls his sword with a flourish] I'll have his head!

DM - [smacks Fitz's raised sword arm] Oh, don't be ridiculous. You being dead would probably put her off her appetite. Let me deal with this.

Fitz - I challenged him first!

DM - Ach! You call that a challenge?

Robert - Gentlemen, it seems you both wish to protect the lady's honor. Unfortunately, I can only fight one of you at time.

Fitz - He's right. The only honorable thing to do would be to toss a coin for it.

DM - Fine. We'll toss for it. [Gina & Robert continue silently making heart-eyes at each other.] Go on, toss it.

Fitz - I'm afraid I cannot.

DM - Why not?

Fitz - I haven't got one.

DM - So, how were you going to take her out?

Fitz - A small loan.

[Robert rolls his eyes.]

DM - What, from me?

Fitz - Yes!

Robert - Gentlemen! [tosses DM a coin]

DM - Thank you. [to Fitz] Ready? [flips coin, slaps his hand over Fitz's mouth, catches coin, glances at it in his palm] Heads. [releases Fitz's mouth, slaps coin on back of his hand] Heads it is. <[chuckles, bows to Gina] Madame. [removes his cloak] Here. Hold that. [hands cloak to Fitz, who lets it fall to the floor. A beat as DM looks at the cloak, at Fitz,>CUT then he turns to Robert, sword en garde.]

Robert - [as they fence] Have we a quarrel I've forgotten about, sir? Tell me, just for my own curiosity, why are we fighting?

DM - Ask the lady. 'Tis she you've wronged.

Robert - [stops fighting, turns away from DM to address Gina] But I have never had the pleasure of her company. I'm sure I would remember wronging so beautiful a lady.

[Music in background stops.]

DM - [behind Robert] I beg your pardon!

Gina - [coldly] You wronged me when you stole a shipment of gold belonging to me.

DM - [behind Robert] Hey, we're fighting here. [stands en garde, is completely ignored]

Robert - [to Gina] I have been accused of many things, fair lady, but never -- never theft from such a beautiful woman.

DM - [taps Robert with his sword] Hey, let's get on with it. Come on.

Gina - [as Robert starts to turn away from her] Duncan, perhaps there is no need for anyone to lose their head tonight. I'm sure the baron is willing to be reasonable.

Robert - In the face of such beauty, how could I be otherwise?

Gina - You flatter me, sir. [They make heart-eyes at each other again.]

DM - [to Fitz] Say something!

Fitz - You call that a fight?

DM - Well, if it wasn't for the lady, he'd be dead by now.

Robert - [still gazing at Gina adoringly] Indeed, without her intervention... I would have been lost... forever.

Fitz - <Oh, please. CUT Spare us. You were lucky it was MacLeod you were fighting. Why, if it had been me, you'd be a foot shorter and an octave higher by now.>

Robert - If a wrong has been done, I shall right it. Allow me the honor of making my peace over dinner? [takes Gina's hand, escorts her from the room]

[Geoges Bizet's Danse Bohème from 'Carmen' starts to play again in the background.]

Fitz - [calls after her] What about the opera?

Gina - [pauses, looks back at them] Why don't you take Duncan?

Fitz - [exchanges a look with DM] I don't even like him.

DM - Here. Take yourself to the opera. [gives Fitz the coin] CUT

<Fitz - I don't want to go on my own.

DM - [picks up his cloak] Well, I'm not going with you.

Fitz - I'll come with you -- to the German ambassador's.

DM - Oh, you're out of your mind!

Fitz - I'll even eat the sauerkraut.>

[Fitz stands by the pond, singing scales to himself. He senses 'buzz' as DM approaches.]

[Super: A few months later]

DM - Do you know, when I heard that voice, I said to myself, 'That MUST be Fitzcairn. Either that or a dog in heat.'

Fitz - What in God's name are you doing here?

DM - I could ask you the same thing, but... [removes letter from his sleeve with a flourish] The Lady Angelina requested a rendezvous with me today.

Fitz - Well, that's impossible. You must have mistaken the date. For you see, sir, today, the lady requested a rendezvous with me. [holds up a matching letter. They grab each other's letters and read them.]

DM - [reading Fitz's letter] 'A matter of great importance to discuss with you.'

Fitz - [comparing the letters] Same date... same place.

DM - Ach, not again.

Fitz - Oh, I see. Yes! Now I understand.

DM - What?

Fitz - Oh, yes, and if I'm right... and as we both know, I am seldom wrong where women are concerned... She wants to be a bride.

DM - But I'm not ready for marriage.

Fitz - Not you. It's me she wants, you daft Scot.

DM - You? Then why send ME the letter, you daft Englishman?

Fitz - Well, isn't it obvious?

DM - No.

Fitz - She wants to break the bad news to you, with me here to protect her. [DM laughs.] If you were more experienced, you'd understand these things. [Both sense 'buzz' as Gina approaches.]

<DM - [with a small bow] Lady Angelina, so nice to see you. [Beside him, Fitz bows deeply. Not to be outdone, DM bows deeply as well.] Angelina, you look radiant today.

Fitz - A summer flower in winter's garden.>CUT

[Gina holds out her hand. Both men rush to kiss it.]

Gina - My two favorite champions. I'm so glad you've come. I've reached a great decision in my life.

DM - To marry.

Gina - [pouts] You guessed.

DM - Oh, well--

Fitz - Well, actually, I guessed.

DM - No, you didn't.

Fitz - And I must say, my dear, you've made absolutely the right choice.

Gina - I'm-- I'm so happy. I was afraid you wouldn't understand. I know it's unconventional, but you are both so special to me. I can't imagine doing it without either of you.

Fitz - Both of us?

DM - [cautiously] What exactly is it you want us to do?

Gina - Give me away.

['The Thieving Magpie' by Rossini starts to play in the background.]

[DM & Fitz react to Gina's announcement, mouth quietly at each other: 'Give her away?'] CUT

<DM - [motions for Gina to walk with him] This way. [He and Fitz grumble at each other a bit as Fitz wants to go the other direction, then all three walk off together.]>²

Fitz - You realize none of this would have happened if she'd come to the opera with me that night.

DM - No. She would have seen you for the raving lunatic you are, and she would have been with me.

Fitz - [takes flowers from nearby vase] I should have asked her to marry me when I still had the chance.

DM - [plucks a single flower from vase] Ha, ha! You, married? You couldn't stay faithful to a woman for, what, more than one hour?

Fitz - Well, I would have given it a fair try.

DM - Mmm.

Fitz - Tell, me, pray. Why did you not ask her to marry you?

DM - I don't know.

Fitz - I'll tell you why. Because you knew with me still around, you just did not stand a chance.

DM - [at entrance to reception hall] No, it's because of HIM that we didn't have a chance.

Fitz - [as they enter reception hall] Oh, yes. Him. That pompous aristocrat.

DM - See the way she looks at him?

Fitz - Yes. I think I'm going to be sick.

DM - Well, we'll just have to bear up and give them our best.

Fitz - Him? The man who's taken the woman we love away... from me?

DM - Well, look at her. She's happier than I've ever seen her. Ah. [sighs] If we love her, we'll make sure she keeps her happiness.

[Across the room, Gina notices them & waves. DM forces a smile & waves the flower he is holding.]

Gina - [beckons to them] Come.

DM - [through gritted teeth, still smiling] Come on. [steps forward. Fitz doesn't move. DM turns slightly, still gritting his teeth.] Come on. And smile. [gives Gina a big smile as he walks toward her. Fitz pastes on a smile & follows.]

(resume previous scene)

DM - So they got married. And as much as Fitz and I hated it, there was one thing we couldn't deny. Their marriage was made in heaven.>

Gina - I distinctly said pink linen. Pink, not white! Does this look pink? Does it?

Robert - [straightens white tablecloth, defensive] What's wrong with white? We had white last time.

Gina - Exactly. I'm SICK of white.

Robert - You said you wanted classic! I gave you classic! WHITE is classic!

Gina - You call this classic? [points off-screen (CUT)] I asked you for a string quartet, not a rock band. What were you thinking of?

Robert - I was trying to get it right.

Gina - How? By not listening to me, Robert? Tell me, do you hear anything I say?

Robert - Every damn word!

Gina - Then how come nothing ever changes? [They are interrupted mid-argument by 'buzz' as DM enters reception hall.]

DM - Did I come at a bad time?

Gina - Not at all, Duncan. You came at exactly the right time.

Robert - What for? To see you behaving like a spoiled brat?

Gina - No, in time to help you clean up the mess.

Robert - What mess? [Gina reaches for vase on corner of table.] Oh, Gina, no. Not the Ming Vase. Not the Ming--

Gina - [throws the vase to the floor, shattering it] What do you expect from a brat? [glances at the shattered vase with a smug smile, then walks off]

DM - So, how's it going?

Robert - [kneeling amongst the vase shards] I could kill her. I could just kill her.

DM - So how long has this been going on?

Robert - Too long. This wedding is a nightmare. I hire a rock group, she wants strings. I get a string quartet, she'll want rap. She's driving me crazy.

DM - Oh, Robert, come on. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You have to expect it once in a while.

Robert - Well, lately it's been all down. I'll be honest, Duncan. It hasn't been good for us since the sixties.

DM - It'll pass.

Robert - It's not just the wedding... It's everything I say, everything I do. It's like living with a giant vulture who's just waiting for me to screw up so that she can tear my heart out. [sighs] I never thought I'd say this, but I think it's over between us. I think we're history.

['Albinoni's Adagio' starts playing in the background.]

DM - Robert, you and her were meant for each other. No one ever loved you like she has. You know that.

<[Joseph Haydn's 'String Quartet Op.1 No 1 & 2' is playing in the background.]

Fitz - Tonight, at midnight. [kisses young woman's hand, gives her a bow as he leaves her. He nods to several groups of guests.] Duchess. How nice to see you. [kisses Duchess's hand, bows to gentleman next to her] My lord. [reaches for champagne glass on table]

DM - [snatches glass away] Good day, Fitzcairn. So nice to see you again.

Fitz - I wish I could say the same for you, MacLeod. [turns to greet another guest]>

Sean - Do you think Fitz knows she's married?

Caroline - Do you think he cares?

Sean - How many women do you think Fitz has bedded? A hundred? A thousand?

DM - [interrupts them] Lady Caroline, I assure you, Hugh Fitzcairn is the most honorable of gentleman.

Sean - [laughs] You cannot be serious.

DM - [sotto voce, to Sean] I'm trying to be delicate. Caroline and Fitz, they, uh--

Sean - [surprised, to Caroline] What? You and Fitz?

<DM - Aye. They spent a lovely weekend together in a country inn not so long ago.

Caroline - He stole my heart and my hand. CUT

Sean - Oh, so you're engaged. Congratulations. [kisses her hand]

Fitz - [approaches them, glass in hand] Oh, Lady Caroline. I must say, my dear, you look simply ravishing tonight.>

Sean - So, I believe congratulations are in order.

Fitz - Yes, it's remarkable that they've stayed married for a hundred years, isn't it?

Sean - No, no, not to them. To you.

Fitz - To me?

Sean - Yes. Caroline just told me.

Fitz - Told you?

Sean - About your impending nuptials.

Fitz - [laughs nervously] She told you we're getting married?

Sean - Yes.

DM - [joining in] Actually, she told everyone.

Sean - After your weekend away, why wouldn't she? In a hundred years, I expect we'll be here to celebrate YOUR anniversary.

DM - You're a lucky man, Hugh Fitzcairn. In actuality, I spoke to Angelina and to Robert, and they've agreed for you to take your vows with them. So congratulations. [DM, Sean & Caroline clink their glasses in a toast.]

Fitz - Oh-- Uh-- Would you excuse me one moment?

DM - Is something wrong.

Fitz - I need to discuss something with my lady. Lady Caroline, can we-- We need to talk. [pulls her aside. DM & Sean follow closely.] I am-- I mean, I didn't-- You didn't. I wouldn't.

Sean - Caroline is like a sister to me. I hope you wouldn't dare to hurt her by bedding her but not wedding her. Would you?

Fitz - There's been a terrible mistake.

DM - [starts to chuckle, unable to keep a straight face anymore] Have you ever seen anything more pitiful?

Caroline - [to Fitz] Calm yourself. I would rather marry a horse's ass. [All three start laughing.]

Fitz - [relieved] Oh, ah-- [joins their laughter] Oh, my lady! My lady, oh! Will my heart ever recover? But... And for that offense, I demand the next dance. My lady. [takes her hand, offers his glass to DM] Would you mind?

DM - [takes the glass] Not at all. [to Sean as Fitz leads Caroline away] How does he do it?

Fitz - [over his shoulder] Charm. ³

<[DM hears a noise, enters room to find Fitz shoving cookies in his pockets.]

DM - Helping yourself to a few cookies?

[Johann Strauss's 'Where the Lemon Trees Bloom' starts to play in the background.]

Fitz - [startles, dropping cookies on the floor] Angelina requested a private audience with me.

DM - She requested one with me.

Both - [size one another up] Hmph.>

DM - I never believed the marriage would last this long.

Fitz - Neither did I. I would have given it a month, maybe two. The poor thing doesn't realize what she's missing.

DM - Marriage is wasted on you, Fitzcairn.

Fitz - Ha! Who's talking about marriage? Still, if I was going to, I would marry her in a second. CUT

Gina - [calls from doorway] Duncan!

DM - Yes, Angelina?

Gina - Is Robert back yet?

DM - No, I haven't seen him. [moves to doorway, blocking Fitz]

Gina - [sulking] He went for the priest hours ago. I can hardly get married without him.

Fitz - [ducks under DM's arm] If I may, I would gladly stand in for the groom.

DM - The line starts here.

Gina - Come and help me with my dress.

Fitz - Is my lady speaking to me?

DM - No, she's talking to both of us. That's the best offer you've had this century. [They follow Angelina to her bedroom. Both try to walk through the doorway at the same time but don't fit. DM opens the second door for more room and they step inside.]

Gina - [sitting at dressing table] Would you mind...?

Fitz - [beats DM to her side to close the back of her gown] My lady.

<DM - [leans forward, holding out a wooden box] Angelina, just a little token for your anniversary.

Gina - [opens box] Oh, thank you, Duncan.

DM - Oh, it's my pleasure.>CUT Where will you be going on your honeymoon?

Gina - The Indies. Robert wants to go sailing there next spring. Adventurous, no?

DM - Oh, not as adventurous as Paris. It's a dangerous place to be a-- an aristocrat. There's a revolution going on.

Gina - Robert and I have been among its staunchest supporters. This house is protected, as are we all. The people know who their friends are.

DM - Ach, the people are great friends with the guillotine.

Fitz - MacLeod... He-- He worries so much. Nothing is going to happen while I'm still around to protect you.

Footman - [off-screen] My lady! [enters bedroom, disheveled & bloody] My lady! Forgive me, my lady, but the baron has been taken.

DM - Taken by whom?

Footman - Revolutionaries. He has been taken to Place de Grève to... to be... beheaded.

DM - [to Fitz] Nothing will happen. [to Gina] I will take care of this, Angelina. [leaves with footman]

Fitz - Who was to know? [starts to follow them]

Gina - Fitz! Help me get this off!

Fitz - Now? Do you think we have time? If Robert is in trouble... Are you sure?

Gina - I am sure I can't ride in a dress.

Fitz - Oh, yes. Of course. [reaches for the back of her dress]

DM - [mounted on a horse] Gina, you're mad to come with us.

Fitz - [following Gina to horses] This could be very dangerous for you.

Gina - [wearing men's breeches and boots] Why do you think I'm going along?

DM - He's right, for once. The revolutionaries might recognize you.

Gina - [mounts a horse] Dressed like this? You are the ones who look like aristocrats now. Not me.

Fitz - [mounts another horse] Do you think we should change, Duncan?

Gina - There is no time. You know I won't leave Robert.

DM - Aye, and I'll not leave you.

Fitz - Neither will I.

[Rossini's 'Il Barbiere di Siviglia' starts to play in the background as they urge their horses forward.] CUT

<DM - Hyah! Hyah! Come on, Fitzcairn! This way.

Fitz - Where are you going, MacLeod?

DM - To Paris!

Fitz - Paris? Paris is this way!

DM - No, London's that way, ya idiot. ^C>

[A mob of revolutionaries and workers shout and jeer as a horse-drawn cart approaches. Robert lies in it, tied up, beaten & unconscious. A priest sits beside him. The cart comes to a halt and a drumbeat starts up. Gathered crowd yells and waves pitchforks and scythes. ^D A lady is moved into position at the guillotine.]

Woman - [offscreen] For crimes against the people and the Republic, you are sentenced to death. May God have mercy on your soul. [Drumroll. Guillotine drops. Mob shouts.]

Gina - The guillotine? Why couldn't they just hang him?

Fitz - Madame Guillotine proved this to be far more humane. [off their looks] It's a scientific fact.

DM - Are you ready?

Gina - I'm ready.

Fitz - I'm always ready.

DM - Aye. ⁴

[Gina dismounts. DM leads her horse away.]

Woman - [offscreen, as Gina walks toward mob] For crimes against the people and the Republic, you are sentenced to death. May God have mercy on your soul.

[DM rides back to where Fitz is watching. Gina reaches Robert's cart.]

DM - Are you ready, Fitzcairn? [draws his sword]

Fitz - [draws his sword] Now or never.

Gina - [climbs into cart, moves forward, past the priest, toward the driver] Bonjour, monsieur.

[Rossini's 'Il Barbiere di Siviglia' starts to play again in the background.]

Driver - Get down, boy!

Gina - [grabs driver] Have it your own way! [throws driver from the cart]

[DM & Fitz urge their horses forward as Gina drives the cart away.]

DM - Death to the Revolution! [DM & Fitz circle the mob, distracting them as Gina escapes with the cart.] CUT<Time to go! [Fitz urges his horse forward. DM swings his sword one last time as they ride back through the crowd. The crowd chases them ^E as they ride away] They seem to be very angry.

Fitz - I think we've upset them! [They ride away.]>

<[Robert wakes in back of cart, stands up.]

Priest - We've been saved! This young boy is a real hero.

[Gina, in driver's seat, stands, moves back toward Robert. Robert leans forward & gently kisses her.]

Priest - [shocked] Oh!

Robert - This young lad is my wife.

[He takes her hat off, revealing her hair hidden underneath. The priest sighs in relieved understanding as Robert moves back in for a more passionate kiss. DM & Fitz ride up, laughing.]

Fitz - I don't quite know what you'd do without me, MacLeod.

DM - I can but dream.>

Fitz - [as Gina & Robert continue to kiss] If we'd have been a moment later, she'd have made the most attractive widow.

DM - Don't you ever stop?

Fitz - My friend, the only thing that'll stop me is a blade. ⁵

[Robert & Gina continue to kiss.]

Robert - The woman's been impossible to live with.

DM - So it's all her fault.

Robert - Absolutely. She's bossy. She's opinionated. She never listens.

DM - Well, sounds like the woman we all fell in love with. Robert, it's been three hundred years. You have to expect the ride to be bumpy once in a while. You know that.

Robert - [sighs] Oh, You're right. I'm such an idiot.

DM - That's the spirit.

Robert - She is the only woman for me, and we were meant for one another. I'll make it up to her and this'll all pass.

DM - [as they sense 'buzz'] Here's your chance.

Gina - Robert? Could you come here, please?

Robert - [walks over to her, DM following] Look, Gina, I'm sorry. I've been a little uptight. We'll have the string quartet, we'll have the pink linen... Whatever it takes to make you happy, my love.

Gina - It's not the music, Robert. Or the linen. The wedding's not the problem.

Robert - What, then? Name it, my love, and it's yours.

[Behind Robert, DM nods encouragingly.]

Gina - What I want is a divorce.

Robert - [distressed] She's leaving me, Mac. She's really leaving.

DM - Is there any chance she'll change her mind?

Robert - She divided up the record collection.

DM - The vinyl? [Robert nods.] Foo-hoo-hoo! She's leaving.

Robert - I don't know what to do. I've tried making up. I've tried everything. Maybe if I bought her something special?

DM - I don't think that's the answer.

Robert - There's a new Ferrari coming out... I know this dealer--

DM - Robert, Robert. You could buy her every single car in Italy, and still it wouldn't change her mind. Whatever she wants, she doesn't want things.

Robert - Duncan, she trusts you more than anyone else. You could talk to her.

DM - What? And say what? 'Please, Gina. Give Robert another chance'?

Robert - Oh, you could think of something better than that. I know you could. Please?

[later]

DM - Gina, give Robert another chance.

Gina - He's had a thousand chances, Duncan. I gave that man the best centuries of my life.

DM - Then don't throw them away.

Gina - Maybe it should have been over a long time ago.

DM - Oh, you don't mean that. He loves you. You love him. Hmm?

Gina - Maybe we are not meant to spend three centuries together. I mean, who mates for life? Swans? Geese? Lobster?

DM - Robert and you were meant to. You know that.

Gina - Sometimes I think about the old days. Remember? When it was just you, me and Fitz? I thought you loved me then.

DM - We both did. [smiles fondly] But not as much as you love Robert. [chuckles] When you set eyes on him, you couldn't even see us.

Gina - My mistake. Now Fitz is dead, and the old days are gone. Now it's all habit. Like putting on an old pair of shoes. We'll both start new lives. It's time, Duncan. All things come to an end. [kisses his cheeks in farewell]

Robert - What did she say?

DM - I tried. I-I really did.

Robert - What am I going to do?

DM - Well, maybe you were right. Maybe it's time to move on.

Robert - I wasn't right. She loves me.

DM - Then give her time.

Robert - We've been together for three hundred years. She's part of me. I don't know how to be anyone except part of 'us'. What if something happened to her and I lost her forever? I'd go crazy. I couldn't cope.

DM - What if something happened to you?

Robert - It would kill her, but what's gonna happen to me? [realizes DM's plan] You are one clever S.O.B. That's brilliant! You're a genius! You challenge me -- I let you win -- Gina rushes to my rescue, saves me, loves me forever.

DM - No, no, no. It would never work. She would never believe that we would fight to the death.

Robert - [deflates] Oh, it's hopeless.

DM - Maybe not.

Methos - It's finally happened. You've lost your mind!

DM - Well, come on, Methos. You'd be doing them an incredible favor. [pours tea]

Methos - Read my lips. N. O.

DM - Okay, you'd be doing ME a favor. Milk? [adds milk to his cup]

Methos - Aw, now that's not fair. You're making it personal, now. You think that I'll -- I'll feel guilty when I say no?

DM - Sugar?

Methos - [takes a sugar cube] Wasting your time. I haven't felt guilt since the eleventh century. I don't even know these people.

DM - Yeah, well, that's why I'm asking you. All you have to do is act a little.

Methos - Do I look like an actor?

DM - Well, you've been with the Watchers for years, and no one's ever suspected you. Don't you want to see Gina and Robert live happily ever after? [offers plate of cookies]

Methos - [takes a cookie] Yeah. But I want to see ME live happily ever after even more.

DM - Oh, come on, Methos. They won't even know who you are. You'll just be this mysterious Immortal who's coming after Robert's head. Robert and Gina's marriage is in your hands.

Methos - You're not listening to me. I don't give a damn about their marriage.

DM - Well, I do!

Methos - Is it really that important to you?

DM - Yes, it's that... [bops him on the head with a... thing (umbrella case?)] ...important to me.

Methos - Okay, I do this for you... and you give me the barge.

DM - [laughs] Right. Like you're serious.

Methos - Yeah, I'm serious. Hey, I need a place to live. That's the deal. Take it or leave it.

DM - Fine, if that's what it takes.

Methos - That's what it takes.

DM - Fine.

Methos - Good.

DM - Good.

Methos - Right.

DM - You'd better make it look good.

Methos - Like you say, darling, I'm an ACT-OR.

DM - [sarcastic] Oh, good.

Gina - But who is this other Immortal? Where did Robert meet him?

DM - [driving them to the warehouse] I'm not sure. I think he's one of those young ones that kills for sport. [sighs] I think he's good.

Gina - You don't think he could actually win?

DM - I don't know. Robert didn't seem to have the old fire. It's as if-- [sighs again] It's as if he had nothing to live for.

Robert - [swishing his sword around] Blackbeard, Bluebeard, Drake. I must have sailed with half the pirates in the Caribbean. I kind of miss those old ships.

Methos - Not me. I hate the sea.

Robert - Oh? Why is that?

Methos - Crossed the Atlantic to Iceland with a bunch of Irish monks, 765. Six of us in a rowboat, no facilities.

Robert - Ooh.

[They sense the 'buzz' as DM's car appears below them.]

[Beethoven's '6th Symphony' starts playing in the background.]

Methos & Robert - [together] Showtime. [They begin tapping their swords against each other, for the sound effect.]

[DM pulls the car to a stop. As Gina & DM get out, Robert & Methos are exchanging parries for real on the level above them.]

Gina - Robert! Leave him alone, you bastard! [runs for the stairs]

DM - [chases after her] Gina! Gina! You can't interfere! [runs up the stairs after her] Gina! Gina, wait!

Methos - [pulls Robert into close range, grappling at his sword arm] It goes: hip, head, hip, thrust, jump back.

Robert - Yes, of course. Sorry. [Methos pushes him away again.]

Gina - He could lose his head!

DM - [grabs her as she reaches the top of the stairs] Gina, no! If he does, it'll be the last thing that guy sees.

[Meanwhile, Methos & Robert run through the planned sequence: Methos swings at Robert's left hip, Robert parries. Robert counters with a swing at Methos' head, Methos parries. Methos swings at Robert's right hip, Robert parries. Robert thrusts forward with his sword, then jumps back as Methos swipes at him. After a few more exchanges, they lock swords, moving into close range again.]

Robert - That should do it. Just give me a jab. Not too deep.

Methos - Wuss. Where's your sense of drama? [flings Robert's sword arm up & runs him through]

Gina - Robert!

DM - [holding her back] No, Gina! No!

Gina - Robert!

DM - Gina, no!

Methos - [as Robert looks at him in shocked agony] Sorry. [pulls his sword out]

Gina - Robert!

DM - No, Gina! Gina!

Gina - Robert!

[Robert falls down. Methos raises his sword.]

DM - Gina, no! No, Gina, no! No, Gina!

Gina - [pulls away from DM, runs forward] You're dead! [Methos flees.] You bastard! You're dead!

Robert - [as she runs past him] Gina!

Gina - [stops, goes back to him] Oh, my God, Robert. Robert, are you all right? [drops her sword, kneels beside him] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Robert.

[Beethoven's '6th Symphony' segues into Geoges Bizet's Habanera from 'Carmen' (suite no. 2).]

<[DM moves past them to where Methos has stopped on the other side of the warehouse.]

Methos - You {might've kept your side}.

DM - Get out of here!

Methos - What the hell was that all about?

DM - Go!

Methos - You were supposed to keep her away! She was going to kill me!>CUT

[meanwhile]

Gina - [sobbing] You'll be all right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I'll never leave you, Robert. Never.

Robert - [smiles] Oh, Gina.

Gina - I love you, Robert. I love you. I love you so much.

[DM quietly moves closer, smiles.]

Robert - I love you, too, Gina. [They kiss.]

DM - [clears his throat] He's gone. I think Gina scared him off. I don't think we'll see him again.

[Robert winks at him from Gina's embrace.]

Gina - [voice cold] I do. I'm going to find that bastard and take his head, if it's the last thing I do. [kisses Robert again]

[DM reacts to Gina's statement.] ^F

Methos - I knew it. I knew it! Getting between a married couple. It's a rule I haven't broken for two thousand years. I knew this would happen.

DM - Look, she'll cool off. I'm just telling you to be careful. That's all.

Methos - Great. So I lose my head after five thousand years, so that you can play marriage guidance counselor. I must have been out of my MIND!

DM - Oh, Methos, come on. The marriage is in two days' time. All you have to do is lay low for a while. They'll go off on their honeymoon. They'll be there for... ten years. She'll forget all about this.

Methos - Stake your life on that, would you?

DM - [tries to sound convincing] Y-Yeah.

Methos - Okay, give me the keys.

DM - What keys?

Methos - The keys to the barge.

DM - [laughs] You weren't serious. You were testing me.

Methos - No. If I'm going to die, you're going to pay me for it. Give me the keys.

DM - I can't give you the barge. I just redecorated it.

Methos - Nice job. Give me the keys. Come on.

DM - With friends like you, who needs enemies? [tosses him the keys]

Methos - I was just thinking the same thing. CUT<[as DM starts to sit in desk chair] Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey. Off. [stands, moves toward desk]

DM - What? It's my chair.

Methos - My chair now. [theatrically pushes DM aside, sits in the chair, then puts his feet up on the desk]

DM - Y--

Methos - [smug] You know where the door is.

[DM grabs his phone & a stack of papers from the desk, pushes Methos' feet off the desk.]

Methos - [cheerfully, as DM stomps off] Have a nice day. ^G>

Robert - [pours DM a drink] You saved my marriage, Duncan. I don't know how I'm going to thank you enough. You and your friend, Pierson. [rubs his chest] He, uh, didn't have to try quite so hard, though.

DM - Yeah, but it worked, didn't it?

Robert - Oh, Mac, you should have seen her. She was an animal. It turned her on so much that night, she, uh-- [stops himself, chuckles] We may have to try this again some time.

DM - [chuckles] Forget it. Where is she? [off Robert's expression] Robert?

Robert - Um, we had another little argument.

DM - Oh, not again. What now?

Robert - Well, I wanted you to be my best man, and she wanted you to give her away again.

DM - Oh, tell her either way is fine with me.

Robert - Well, you can tell her yourself.

DM - I will.

Robert - When she gets back from your place.

DM - [chokes on his drink] My -- My place!?

Robert - Is something wrong?

DM - Come on.

Robert - What?

DM - Come on.

Robert - [follows him out] What?

Methos - [looking throught DM's CD collection] Opera... Opera ... Opera, ^H opera. Got a lot of opera here. Gotta do something about this music. There's no Springsteen. There's no Queen. [senses 'buzz', turns to see Gina standing at entrance door, sword drawn]

Gina - You!

Methos - I can explain. It was a joke.

Gina - I'm not laughing. Where is MacLeod? Dead?

Methos - No, no, no. He's fine. This has all just been a big mistake!

Gina - Huge. And you made it, when you tried to kill my husband!

Methos - I knew this would happen. [lunges for his sword as she raises hers]

[DM screeches car to a halt. They both jump out & run for the barge.]

Robert - Oh, my God, this is a mess! Would he hurt her?

DM - Would she go for his head?

Robert - Yes, she would.

DM - This is a mess.

[They sense the 'buzz' as Gina appears on deck.]

Robert - Gina! What happened?

Gina - It's over. The son-of-a-bitch is dead.

DM - [horrified] You took his head?

Gina - He tried for Robert. Tried to kill the man I love. No one does that and lives.

DM - No!

Gina - Sorry about the mess in there.

DM - [devastated] No! No, no, no! It was all an act. Tell her-- [suddenly senses another 'buzz'. Methos pops up from where he was hiding at the other end of the barge, Cheshire grin on his face. DM is angry and relieved.] Not funny!

Methos - Oh, I don't know. Pretty funny from here. CUT

<DM - Oh, really? I think I should take your head instead. How about that? Would you like that?

Gina - What's the matter, Duncan? Can't you take a joke?

DM - Fitz would have found it funny.

Gina - So, are you going to give me away?

DM - [still disgruntled] No.

Gina - Oh, please, Duncan? Please?

DM - [grabs her, dips her] All right. Here, you'd better take her. [spins her into Robert's arms] Go on, for God's sake.>

[DM is unpacking a wooden crate, scattering straw everywhere.]

Methos - [to himself] Look at this place. Never seen such a mess. [throws pillow aside. DM grabs another handful of straw from the crate, ^I continues dropping it all over the floor.] These sheets are disgusting. Hey! Enough with the mess. I have to live here.

DM - [innocently] Oh, I'm sorry. [lifts Ming vase from crate] My wedding present to them. Only one of six left in the world.

Methos - You know, when I was living in China, way back when, those things were a dime a dozen. If only I'd known then what I know now.

DM - Pity. So what are you going to get them? A toaster?

Methos - Well, you know, you were right. They are a unique couple, so I figured I should give them something unique.

DM - Yeah? Like what?

Methos - My boat.

DM - The barge? You can't give them the barge!

Methos - Why not?

DM - Because--

Methos - It's my boat. I'll do what I like with it.

DM - Fine. [pulls straw out of vase, throws it on the floor]

Methos - But then I figured that probably everyone would give them something unique, so, uh, I went with a toaster. CUT<[tosses DM the keys to the barge. DM reflexively grabs for them, dropping the vase.] You keep the barge. I hate the water.

DM - [sputters, pointing at broken vase] That! That co--

Methos - You have a mess to clean up.

[DM continues to sputter as Methos tosses him a broom & leaves.]>